Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Writer's Voice entry


The Princess Who Was Not query
Two girls, born a day apart in the kingdom of Arga twelve years ago, have fallen victim to an innocent deception with unintended consequences. The tiny princess Arlan is spirited away to the desert to save her life, but tragedy strikes, delaying her return. Raised as the princess, adventuresome Lilia loses her secure identity when the queen reveals her impending physical transformation into a Flyer.
The king hoped to save Arga from war with a betrothal, but Lilia’s transformation and Arlan’s frailty seem destined to thwart his plans. Together, the girls decide to secretly obtain a miracle that will save Arga.  The risks are great, if they don’t get caught first.  Their mission takes them upriver to a country patrolled by fearsome, gigantic birds and across hostile mountains.  Unlikely kidnappers and a deadly swamp threaten not just their quest, but their very survival. 

Both girls stretch themselves to the limit as they try to save the country they love while finding their place in the world. The Princess Who Was Not is a completed MG fantasy of 46,000 words about friendship and overcoming obstacles.  It appeals to readers who like Rowan of Rin by Emily Rodda.
 
The Princess Who Was Not excerpt
“You are not my daughter.” Queen Lanah’s soft voice trembled, so difficult did she find the task of undoing her deception. She spoke to the girl believed to be the Princess Arlan. The two sat alone in the queen’s private chamber not long after the princess had celebrated her twelfth birthday.
“What did you say, Mother?” Confusion passed over the girl’s face. Was this some cruel joke? Surely not, for the Queen was a kind and gentle woman.
“Dear child, I love you truly as though you were indeed my own daughter, but the time has come for me to tell you the truth. I cannot keep it from you any longer. Soon it will be obvious that you are not my child. Now that King Galen is considering a marriage alliance with Rangul, it is imperative I stop hiding this.”
Any thought that perhaps her mother was playing an uncharacteristic joke on her died when the bewildered girl fixed her eyes on the pain-filled face of the queen. All her life, she had been reared in the castle of Arga City as the only, and deeply cherished, offspring of King Galen and Queen Lanah, rulers of Arga. Now she watched Lanah with a stillness born of her royal training and waited for the queen to continue. Deep within her mind she considered the consequences of the queen’s words, torn between panic and disbelief.
“Always I have called you Mother. If I am not your daughter, whose am I?"
 

12 comments:

  1. I like that you're just plunging right into the story. Good luck with the contest.

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  2. Oooh, nice! Sounds like a wonderfully epic story. Good luck!

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  3. Thanks for the lovely comments, ladies!

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  4. go go MG! Your story sounds filled with adventure (which is my cup of tea). Great job with the voice in the first 250 - the first line was fantastic.

    Good luck!

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  5. Great way to start the story in the action. Really like the query and first 250. Best of luck. :)

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  6. Now that is starting off with a bang. I like where this is going! Luck to you!

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  7. Way to dive right into the meat of your story with a nasty revelation for the one MC!!! Good luck!

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  8. I like adventure and we middle grade writers have to stick together! Especially liked the almost Tolkien-esque promise of hostile mountains and gigantic birds. I got a little lost in the first lines of the query about who is who. You might want to say something like 'two girls are born, one is a princess another low born. Someone confused their identities.' I may be way off but you understand what I mean :)) Good luck with this.

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  9. I felt like I just took a deep plunge right in the middle of the story! Great hook!

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  10. Thanks so much for your comments. I was hoping the opening would just start the ball rolling.

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  11. Great job here! Best of luck to you!!!

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  12. I love stories with royal entanglements. Sending you good luck vibes for the contest.

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